Dec 18, 2009

School # 2

WAITLISTED

I am beginning to worry now.

Dec 12, 2009

the unsaid...

its unsaid, but not unseen
your eyes touch me head to toe; goosebumps
the chilly night crackles with our spark
a veiled embrace that warms me

its unsaid, but not unheard
the quiet restraint in your first hello
months after that passionate night,
a distant memory, a moment of consequence

its unsaid, but not unfelt
your hand holds mine just a few seconds longer
your gaze that locks me, till I disappear into the oblivion
a reluctant goodbye

its unsaid, but not unnoticed
the fire you've ignited in my being
the longing to be one with you, one with myself
the desire to love again

its unsaid, but you've said it all.

note: inspired just a tad by a post made by one of my fav bloggers - fictitious truth

Dec 11, 2009

Confucious says...

While I don't mind doing the work for free, I better get paid for dealing with all the F****** emails.

Courtesy: gapingvoid.com - BRILLIANCE

Dec 7, 2009

Dinged!

Dear Sue:

The Admissions Committee has completed its review of your application for the ****** School of Management and Two-Year Program. Despite your many merits as a candidate, I regret to inform you that we are not able to offer you a place in the entering class.

The Admissions Committee carefully evaluated your application in the following areas: work experience, career plans, academic ability and performance, extracurricular and community involvement, leadership and interpersonal skills. Decisions are based upon a thorough evaluation of your individual strengths and weaknesses, as well as your qualifications relative to all others in our applicant pool. This decision is not a reflection of your personal qualities and achievements or your potential for success in management, but merely a reflection of the limited number of places in the class.

We certainly wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors, and thank you for your interest in the ***** School of Management and Two-Year Program .

Sincerely,

ABC DEF
Assistant Dean, Director of Admissions and Financial Aid


While I expected to not get into this program because it was a VERY long shot, I was still disappointed that I was "Dinged". The number of applications multiplied this year. All from brilliant, super achievers with years and years of experience from across the world. I probably didn't stand a chance. I could have been what they called a "passable" candidate.

Now while I know that I don't match up, I feel better (almost) about the whole situation when I read the letter above. The magic of words rightly put, prevails. While you know its bullshit, you do feel like they are rubbing balm on your wounds by saying that you as good as anyone else. My dad loved the letter so much, he wants to distribute it to all the candidates he rejects at his company.

Keeping my fingers crossed for the others. December 16 is D day for the other Chicago school that I'm rooting for. Another interview invite just trickled in for an ivy league school. I am hopeful again. You better not have taken a break from praying for me.

Dec 1, 2009

Breathe easy!

1. Sleepless nights DONE
2. PMSing DONE
3. Losing clumps of hair DONE
4. Gaining a couple of kgs DONE
5. Three ghastly pimples/week DONE
6. Watching my social life go to one incoming call/day DONE
7. Using my boyfriend as a punching bag DONE
8. Chipped nails for weeks together DONE
9. Long lists of complaints DONE
10. 8 Heavy duty MBA applications DONE
11. 1 Super hard interview with a "turrum khan" alum from a top Chicago school DONE
12. Praying and hoping ONGOING

Nov 24, 2009

God knows...

I eat beef. And possibly anything that falls on my plate.
I drink alcohol.
I get nervous at temples when there is serious "pooja" rituals going on.
I am thinking about that movie poster I saw earlier that morning, when I close my eyes with folded hands.
I pray for others. It comes true always.
I pray for myself. It comes true sometimes.
I pray for random beggars, dogs, traffic policeman who work in the sun everyday. I don't know if it comes true.
I swear a hell lot.
I ate chicken in Tirupati.
I drank beer in Tirupati.
I had the one spiritual experience of my life in Tirupati.
I lied many a time.
I don't believe in religious rituals.
I cheated a couple of times.
I didn't wait till I got married.
I desire a closet full of expensive clothes and shoes.
I sin. And don't judge others for their sins.

God knows I am human. We are friends.

Nov 7, 2009

Confucious says...

I don't know why people contemplate death(suicide) when they are at their worst.

When you have nothing left to lose, that's exactly when you truly learn to take that great risk called life.

When you have nothing left to lose, that's when you have limitless possibilities as to what you can gain.

Nov 4, 2009

You are missed Spooky!


“You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

-David Harkins

courtesy: my friend vicks

Oct 29, 2009

Confucious says...

If only time would stand still, I would dance away!

Oct 27, 2009

Say a lil' prayer for me

Got my first invite to interview for a top five school! YAAAAAAAY!

Hope all the others trickle in soon as well.

Oct 26, 2009

Oct 20, 2009

I'm still alive!

I know its been a while since I've said hello to the Sushi bar.

A lot has happened since my last post, some of it life-changing.

Completed Round 1 of bSchool applications. Praying for some good news.

Round 2 is up in a few weeks.

Even though the list of returning readers on this blog has dwindled.

I will write to keep myself sane.

Aug 18, 2009

wannaB-schooler!

In the coming few months, I will be see my dreams of five years turn to reality…or not! Depends on whether I get in…into B-school …. In the ‘land of opportunity’ - do they still call it considering the recession and all that? I’ve wanted to study in America since I visited there in tenth grade and the life-altering move will happen based on whether these highly-coveted schools think I am worth them. Well, I am…they just gotta see it like I do.

The really ironic thing about MBA school applications is that they make you introspect. I was hoping to take out of two years of my life to do just that – introspect. That … while I go to class, have intellectual debates on the future of digital marketing during recession with a Korean classmate over Starbucks caramel latte, take exchange trips to Venezuela, and at the end of it fight for a job in these dismal times – that is when I figure out what kinda job I like and balance it to how much it pays. If they make me reflect so much now, I will have nothing to do when I join school – oh wait, knowing me I’ll find something to think (pre-fix: over) about.

My strategy: applying to seven schools – each one of these is very hard to get into. My admissions counselor guy thinks I’m a fool to not include some other schools in which getting in would be a cake walk for me. But, I honestly get turned on by a challenge – an easy win does not get me off. Plus, If I spend so much money (read: I = Dad), leave my cushy life in India and give up my harem of servants behind to go slog my ass off in a new country – it better be for a top-class MBA behind my name and a rockstar husband and a mad-money career following it. After all, I am supposedly giving up a nice domesticated life - mass-producing fat little babies and cooking Andhra fish curry for my very rich, lungi-wearing, moustache’d Telugu husband (so says my dad, trying to show me what I’ll be missing…while I look at it as what I will be escaping…teehee).

Seven schools, four essays on an average – 28 long pieces of blowing-my-own-trumpet (read: self-dabba for my ‘desi’ friends), i-think-business-can-coexist-with-ethics-and- world peace , I-believe-I- can-fly kinda stories for the MBA admissions committees to digest. I will be burning the midnight oil for many nights – I better get in or the local suicide helpline can pre-book a half-an-hour counseling session for me.

Wish me luck!

Aug 10, 2009

This dance is mine

I'm lost in thought
You take my hand
A gentle tug
I rise to stand

You lead me on
Hands intertwine
I walk with you
This dance is mine

The saxophone sings
My heart beats to the base
Music takes over
I meet your gaze

My feet follow yours
Floating across the floor
You twist, I twirl
Backgrounds blur

You throw me up
I kiss the sky
You bring me down
I am still high

The song is gone
My heart still sings
You walk me home
But you give me wings

Days crawl by
of sun and rain
I ache, I yearn
When do we dance again

Aug 6, 2009

One with you

Without you.
I wake up to another day
of unfulfilled desire, of deep languish
of intense pain,
of wasted life?

Without you.
Time stands still.
But the hunger grows.
Every passing minute,
I crave for you.

Without you.
I eat to live
I die to drink.
My lips can still taste you,
You fill up my senses.

Without you.
Company is bland.
My soul doesn't rise up to dance,
even to my favorite beat.
Alone in a crowd, always.

Without you.
I crawl.
I beg.
I exist. Merely.
Till I am one with you.

Note: This is an ode to my two favorite things in the world - Meat and alcohol. I am off both for 40 days and 40 nights. August 20... I am one with you!

Jul 16, 2009

But, there you are!

I think you are gone.
From my conversations, my hopes, my dreams, my days, my nights.... my happiness, my sorrows ... my all!
But, there you are!

More often than sometimes, but not always.
You come back to remind me.
Just when I think, that your essence has left me, there you are!
Filling my mind, my heart, my body, my soul with the longing that I thought I had buried deep under my scars of losing you.

You said I was the one.
I said, I wasn't.
I believed you were right for someone else.
You and I were just... incidental?

You said, you didn't believe in soul mates... it was more about the commitment that you make and keep to one person...to any person...and it will work.
I said, the compatibility between two people and their personalities, hopes and dreams was way more important than a mere commitment.
I wanted us to cut our losses.
For us to embrace our soul mates.
For you.
For me.

I think you are gone.
But, there you are!
The same you.
A different you.
A calmer, happier you.
Holding your soul mate.
I knew you would find her.
But you needed to lose me first.

A courteous hug.
The regular small talk about dysfunctional ovaries and the new haircut.
That familiarity that is slowly fading away.
That void that is growing bigger by the day.

A smug comfort that I was right. My special someone is now with someone special.
A warm satisfaction that you are finally happy now.
A slight, throbbing pain of losing you. It never leaves me.

I think you are gone. But, there you are.

Disclaimer: This is more of a creative outburst than an emotional one. Status quo is recommended.

Jul 9, 2009

?

I get turned on when the salon lady washes my hair.
I also get turned on when I get a manicure. And when I get a massage. Especially when I get a massage. :P

Am I a lesbian?

Jul 6, 2009

Confucious says...

Love is a shadow...

its there one minute and gone before you know it!

Courtesy: German Hari

Jul 2, 2009

www.stillnotonline_getwiththeprogramdude.com

Part deux of the previous post....

you wake up with nightmares of your Facebook account being deleted and you losing your social life because of it
you are an old 'bird' if you dont tweet on twitter (5 points to me for the clever use of words in this one)
you order clothes off American stores online and get them shipped to you and then brag to your friends about a very expensive shopping trip abroad
you are chatting with a hottie and he uses a word that you don't understand, a two minute rescue mission to dictionary.com later...you find an equally intellectual sounding word to construct your witty, flirtatious reply
picasa is your personal book of memories from recent years
you have a select group of friends who you've never met but love interacting with, through the blogosphere (This one is for the walker, fictitioustruth and all my other blogger friends)
a creative director that you are in awe of (who probably thinks that being the young account executive, you are a groupie of the creative team) reads your blog and thinks you actually might have a tiny streak of talent in copy writing (:P at whatmark)
you sign up for an automatic mailer from a hit music site to show off your knowledge of the latest music to DJ posse
you state listening to online radio as a pre-requisite for creativity in your work to your boss
your mum asks you to take print outs of the latest styles of saree blouses to get the local darzi to stitch it for her
you are on vacation for a month or longer and look up the e-editions of the local newspapers' page 3 section to make sure you don't miss any gossip (This is especially very true of Hyderabad)
gtalk keeps you entertained on some lonely Saturday nights
you download those same Telugu movies that you make fun of otherwise off of Torrent to watch when you are working away from home
that classmate whose skirt you pulled down in front of everyone in third grade or the one whose boyfriend you stole in ninth grade, accepts your facebook friend request and you know you are finally forgiven after all these years
your grandfather who used to mock the internet and called it a trend that will die down sheepishly asks you to teach him how to use e-mail
your dad learns how to navigate the various options available on matrimonial sites and starts spamming you with pictures of potential grooms
your friends rate your sense of humour based on your comments on facebook
you record every stupid, insignificant yet exciting thing that happens to you by updating your FB status through your phone
you carry your BlackBerry to the loo in the morning along with your newspaper

Jun 27, 2009

www.youbetterbeonline.com

You know you live in the the internet age when...

you have your facebook statuses planned in advance for the week
you blog about anything exciting/interesting/ghastly that happened to you before you call your friend and chat about it
you judge a guy's date-ability score on the basis of his email id and nickname on chat applications
you think shaadi.com is a foolproof way of finding a husband
you can consult webmd for that embarrasing, what-if-its-an-STD itch rather than your family physician
you google the recipe for a spanish omelette when the potential bridegroom in the next room asks if you can cook continental food...

note to self: there are better ways to spend saturday night OFFLINE. more to come tomorrow!

Jun 25, 2009

From Chennai to Cannes

A fabulous TV ad for Times of India that has made it to the judging panel at Cannes Lions Awards

Sing it with me .... Ara ra naaka muka...

Check it out:

Jun 24, 2009

Dear God,

If you gave me one wish...

No, I wouldn't want all the money in the world
No, I wouldn't want the perfect GMAT score
No, I wouldn't ask for that one guy that I still love, to come back
No, I wouldn't ask to be the hottest girl about town (even though, that wouldn't be a bad thing to happen at all)

I'd ask for you to replace my defective, constantly overacting ovaries for a pair of well-functioning balls.

I do not want to be an overweight, pre-diabetic, hormonally-zonked pit bull ANYMORE. Thank you for hearing me out.

Love,
Sue

Jun 22, 2009

Of all things in the world... a pit bull?

A colleague who crossed my path when I was suffering from a heavy dose of PMS said that on days like these, I resemble a pit bull who corners people and then pees on them. And as if that's not enough, I bite them in the ass to top off the deal.

Really?

Jun 15, 2009

Confucious says...

Love is like grocery shopping...

its a matter of proximity and convenience!

Confucious says...

It's finally time to be me, no one is watching.

Jun 7, 2009

Off the radar...

and where else I’ve been over the past couple of months:

#1 Hidden in my safe place – home
#2 The hospital – the ovaries are overacting again
#3 My new workplace. Yes, the voluntary unemployment has come to an end; unfortunately or fortunately
#4 Shopping on Michigan Avenue
#5 Filling up my father’s bar with a trip to the duty free shop
#6 Exploring the suburbs of Massachusetts. And Cape Cod…. beautiful!
#7 Livin’ it up in Chicago – downtown…right by the lakeshore!
#8 Caught in an unexpected, uncomplicated, warm embrace with a complicated and sometimes cold ex
#9 Hunched over the toilet bowl – throwing up after drunk nights. And to think I pride myself over never puking (only passing out) when smashed
#10 In a beamer convertible, cruisin’ down New England roads on nice, 70 degree days
# 11 An American airport. Stranded. For 15 hours.
# 12 On matrimonial sites. What? … Just seein' what’s out there :P
# 13 In a motel-room bed, alone, for 30 nights
# 14 On a harbor cruise in lovely Boston
# 15 On Facebook, liking way too many photographs, comments and status messages

And now for places I should have been:
# 1 At the gym
# 2 On his mind
# 3 Hiking
# 4 Learning how to swim
# 5 At Miami ad school (taking a course in copy writing)

Mar 23, 2009

Blessed are the beautiful

Do beautiful people get it all easy in life?

In my 24 years of a somewhat interesting existence, I have observed a few trends that transcend genders, cultures and timezones.

One of them is that really good looking people, I mean drop-dead gorgeous... somehow get it all easier/faster than the rest of us.

They seem to belong to an elevated world of unbelievable, sometimes undeserved, mindboggling beauty.... people who get noticed by bouncers outside popular clubs and can hence skip the line, those who can hail a taxi ten times faster than the rest of us, and those that everyone wants to meet or be.

Those who say that beauty can take you only so far, are they just jealous, not-so-attractive, brainy critics who are trying to justify their own existence? Becos I think beauty is one thing that can take you very far in life. You are always treated like a special creature by the world around you. You walk into a club, a wedding, a family get together or into a school classroom ... the whole world is just mesmerized. And if you happen to be this exotic creatures' friend, be prepared to be ignored royally for a while. People will be shaking hands with you when introduced, but their eyes will be talking to the "creature".

What about interviews? I thought, come on that sounds far-fetched... I am sure interviewers notice that the candidate is attractive but that cannot be a factor of choice. Research proves that beautiful "creatures" can clinch the deal in an interview based on their beauty. It is supposed to be a sub-conscious "halo-effect" that takes over an interviewer's mind. If this person is so attractive, so charming... I'm sure that they are good at their job, good at life, good at everything. If the interviewer had to choose between two candidates who are somewhat similarly qualified, you can be sure that the attractive one is in.

Hmm. What about a social life? Beautiful people have FABULOUS social lives and wait - without trying. Everyone wants to befriend them and that automatically opens doors to conversation. I think this also trickles into their love lives. Generally, the first thing that attracts a person to the opposite sex is looks and if one's got a 100/100 there, then the foundation to a relationship is laid pretty solid. The halo effect can probably apply here as well. A beautiful creature automatically catches your eye without having to try too hard, while the rest of us will be invisible, how ever hard we try.

Also there is the matter of quantity and quality, a beautiful creature will have triple the number of interested parties to choose from so that automatically increases the chances of finding a great partner. You end up choosing the best one for you out of the huge set of options in front of you. If you compare that situation to the rest of us under-privileged (if i may use that term without being prosecuted) creatures, a handful of people would actually be interested in the first look (those who supposedly look deeper lol) , out of which a few, you might create a miniscule connection with .... so you can count your options for a lifepartner on the the fingers of your hand. They say - settle for what you have and thats what most of us end up doing, maybe for the lack of confidence of finding something better suited for us?

Now my brain-spew above is just a collection of possibly prejudiced opinions but maybe some of you may identify with what I am saying. Now, the next question to debate is whether beauty is a sustained formula for success.... does the competitive advantage last?

Feb 22, 2009

Confucious says...

Love is like a desperate call to the suicide helpline...

it saves you from your seemingly unending misery, just in time.

Feb 18, 2009

love-bytes

The last few days have just tizzyed past me. I guess love makes you lose track of time. and much more.

Miserable me decided to go away for a while (hoping she has permanently moved to Alaska) and let carefree, chilled out and oh-can-I-dare-say-it HAPPY?!!!? me bring in the year 2009.

I've recently taken up some very strange activities and characteristics which do not suit my regular personality as I know it (well, not the recent "me" atleast)
Many a time, I find myself...

smiling like a goofy fifteen year old 24X7.

dancing .... all the time.... in the shower, in the kitchen, in the lawn, in the bedroom, on the road, in a coffee shop, in a club, at a petrol bunk, in my head, in my dreams and in his arms...

laughing... at funny jokes and at not so funny jokes

staring at the clouds and the night sky

smiling at my dad's angry face when he is yelling at me for being useless all day

endlessly waiting for my phone to ring, craving to hear his voice

becoming an insomniac

blocking out my past, my negative emotions and any apprehensions or confusions that may haunt me

getting up in the morning with excitement for the coming day in my head

constantly looking out of my window for that beat-down grey ikon. 9459.

checking the hair one too many times and once I look perfect, kissing myself in the mirror. What? I am worth the lovin I say.

feeling the happy vibe even after he has left.

flaunting my beautiful ring to every single human being that happens to cross my path. Oh wait, I didn't spare the neighbour's dog either.

forgetting all the miserable moments last year

and more than anything,

looking forward to life and loving every moment of it!

Feb 9, 2009

Since Dec 29, I have lost...

1. a job I loved.
2. a person who meant a lot
3. my ambition and dreams
4. my will power
5. my way to the gym
6. my faith in the corporate system.
7. a best friend
8. my heart
9. 2000 rupees
10. my confidence in my professional prowess
11. my 23rd year
12. my misconception that I don't have close friends

I have gained... a new perspective on life and a smile on my face (for the most part)!