Does he love me?

Does he love me, I wonder?
Doubts hit me like lightning and thunder.
One day he cries for me,
The next, he says, please leave me be.
I think of him every minute, every day..
And he says that I’m too needy, wants me out of his way.
When I’m sick and need my man around;
To hug me, make me feel safe n sound,
He is missing as usual, alone I lay.
“Ur across the city, can’t bring u medicine, you are ten minutes away”
Every minute of those three hours in my bed,
Made me go over all the promises made and things said.
Are they really true?
Cos they don’t help when I’m blue ...
And then I just wonder, this thing we are in …..Is it real?
Is it just words said for now…..forever it doesn’t feel.
When I want to open up to him, my heart, my hurt,
He says “why u such a drama queen”, makes me feel like dirt.
I decide that there is no want or need for me in his life
Then he looks at me with all this love in his eyes, n says “be my wife” ,
In two minds, does he or does he not??
Will I be happy or will I be not?
Wont fit in my family, will he make an effort to ?
The fact that his people won’t accept me remains true.
Our future is an obstacle-ridden trail,
Jobs, visas, girls with tea-cups waiting under a veil.
Forgiving is easy, forgetting is not,
His words, our fights, come back to me a lot.
I know I gave my heart, mind and soul
“Love me love me tell me that you love me”…But I’m no more a love fool

Note: This piece is a discovery from my computer archives from 3 or 4 years ago. It is amazing how much importance you can give to a boy when you are at that tender age of 18 and think you have made your decision that he is the one. And now, a more mature me hasn't given this same boy even a thought in the past year. Nevertheless, this poem shows the confusion and vulnerability of that time of innocence.