the Sushi bar

Overheard online

2011-09-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

Girl X to Guy Y during one of 'those' discussions - "If I ever have to commit suicide, I'll jump from your ego level to your IQ level."

the diary of a single girl # 2

2011-09-04T08:10:00.000-07:00

"Its not the man I am missing.... perhaps the sex. "

the new. the old.

2011-09-03T05:29:00.000-07:00

new city, new friends, new job, new life, new dreams. new me.
old memories, old pictures, old songs, old friends, old scars. still me.

That perfect guy....

2011-08-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

"Maybe someday I will find the guy for who I will feel like giving it all up. And that guy won't even have to ask me, because if he does, then he's not that guy. Does that make sense to you?" - The Diary of a Single Girl

creativity in chaos

2011-08-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

Going through a long period of what is commonly called 'the writer's block', I have recently resurfaced on the beloved blog. While I am glad that I made it out of that dark corner, I kept trying to analyse it to figure out what went wrong. Part of that process was to find inspiration in my own work, calling for a thorough re-read of each post since I started 'the Sushi Bar' in 2007.

Then it suddenly came to me.... there is a strong positive correlation of the quality of the written piece with the frame of mind/phase of life I am in. If a graph had to represent these, then the flying peaks of happiness and deepest troughs of depression seemed to inspire the most beautiful work out of me.

What an irony. Here I am with my larger aim in life hovering around seeking stability and peace in life , hoping to balance these ac-dc phases of emotional turmoil and reach a 'zen' state of constant calm. Does that mean that I have to give up the deep spurts of creativity that emerge from these intense periods in my life?

Will I become boring and lose the edge if I attain 'zen'?

life lesson #1

2011-08-14T07:12:00.000-07:00

no matter how much you lose, you can still find enough in you to go on.

the plus side

2011-08-10T03:36:00.000-07:00

the lesser-known positives of drunk dialing:

you wont be complaining about the hangover the next morning.. now you have bigger problems to worry about.
alcohol is known to grow balls on otherwise meek human beings. Well, atleast you are sure you have them now that you have had the courage to make the call and speak the absolute truth, no matter how much shit it gets you into.
it beats the hell out of puking your frustration out or making out with a random person.
if the drunk diallee still answers your call in the morning, you know he/she still cares for you.
the awkward apology the next day and the relief at the forgiveness that's thrown at you.

oh and you sleep better and not just tonight, because your heart is lighter.

Lost. And found.

2011-07-28T08:16:00.000-07:00

Day was thunder, night was storm

A wounded soul and a heart; torn

Jostling with questions,

Haunted by answers

Lost in confusion.

A stroke of luck

Destiny played its turn

You walked into my life. Again.

But this time, I noticed.

Lost in you.

The surreal rescue;

From that web of shadowy thoughts

From the dark waterfall of gloom

You set me free

Lost in hope.

Walking aimlessly on the street, I smiled again.

Smelling contentment in freshly baked bread

Hearing joy in shrieking children

Watching life play hide and seek around me

Lost. And found.

PS. Thank you. You know who you are.

Confucious says...

2011-07-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

I sing along as iTunes plays for me one sweet memory after another.

It's funny how in spain...

2011-07-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

its a dog's world in Espana. They dress up their dogs... like they dress up their babies.. and flaunt them all over the place... lol... designer sweaters, barrettes, little pigtails.. its cute!

the beautician who waxed my eyebrows... didn't believe it was important to wax her hands? And what takes five minutes in India and involves some basic skills, took half an hour, a whole of wax and then an extremely painful process and cost about ten times what it costs in India.

everything is compact... the flats, the roads, the dogs, the coffee cups, the cars, the washing machines, the television sets, the bars, everything except things I need to be compact for my three month trip - like detergent, jam and dish-washing liquid containers... those they made me buy in bulk!!

they talk at the bar, on the street, at the salon, on the bus, at the coffee place, in the club, on the beach, at the grocery store, on the metro.. anywhere and everywhere.. the Spanish love to talk. And I loved listening to their beautiful, animated chatter that was always full of life.

coffee is the end all and be all of Spanish existence. they drink it all day long, before, in between and after any meal during the day. The coffee menu is flourishing with options for varied, experienced tastes.

they like it slow and sensual. Why rush through the motions when you can stop every moment in time and make a 'fiesta' i.e. celebration out of it. In Spain, they serve your coffee slow so they can chat up with you, they make you wait longer in lines at the bank so you can get to know the person before and after you and the 'donoot' lady will tell you stories of her morning travel so you can enjoy ten seconds of smelling those freshly-baked sweet nothings before you start your day. While the world can accuse the Spanish of being lazy, I accuse them of being pleasure seekers rather than efficiency-obsessed.

food is an occasion in Espana.. they celebrate, bond, laugh, cry, share, ideate and connect over a meal. No wonder I love the place so much. My passion is the country's passion. Lunch is not to be taken lightly. Its a two-hour soiree complete with a beverage (most often alcohol), an appetizer, a main course and dessert. How do you go back to work after that, I don't know. What is the Spanish word for 'courage' again?

Speaking of 'courage', Barcelona is one of the craziest party destinations in the world and now I know why. After intermittent drinking through the day, serious alcohol intake starts up in the evening and multiple bar-hopping adventures ensue. Post that, people walk into clubs at 2 Am and party like rockstars into the morning. Breakfast, coffee and then work? Critics can blame the state of the country's economy on this phenomena if they like. I wouldn't though, I think partying is the fuel to their high performance on the happiness index.

For a person who has been a nomad all her life, I finally belong. I belong to Barcelona. Barcelona belongs to me. Te Amo Espana. and its funny how much :)

note

2011-07-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

you might be wondering why I am posting old pieces on my blog now? Well, they were sitting as drafts for months, even years. I guess I just sat on them, hoping that I will come back and make them better.. somehow perfect. But, closure is most important today. done.

Confucious says...

2011-07-07T05:07:00.000-07:00

If only time would stand still, I would dance my life away!

that last kiss.

2011-06-14T07:16:00.001-07:00

Never again, am I going to feel that tingly, warm graze of his slight beard on my cheeks. Never again, are those familiar brown eyes going to stare longingly into mine as I search for my eternity in them. Never again, will the same set of lips ever lock to create that 60 second hurricane of world-changing, soul-stirring intercourse of love and lust between two individuals. Never again, will I have my last kiss with him again, cos this is it.

You know what is a real tragedy.. when you know that a kiss is the last.

When you know its the last ... the mind is wheeling in so many directions. Flashing between the past, the present and the future of how you got to this moment where you are parting ways with some one who is obviously important in some way, you are unsure of how to remember this. Is it him, is it me, is it both of us, is the world that wouldn't let us be together..... Would the questions just stop for minute and let this sweet moment of surrender to my lust be the answer to my angst. Would the pain part ways with me to let pleasure play its part for this might be my last kiss with him?

You know what is an even bigger tragedy.... when you don't realize that a kiss is the last.

I do that routine two-second peck on the lips just before I leave for the escalator to catch my flight, smile, say our good byes and leave. And as I walk away slowly, fixing my laptop bag strap on my shoulder and check for my boarding pass and turn around to glance back at him, without for a second thinking that this might be the end of it all.

If I knew that this was my last kiss, would I play it differently? Oh what I would give, to rewind to that moment in time. To relive it, and really savor it .... to find a way to somehow make those few seconds last forever. And now the million dollar question: What is the perfect last kiss? Everything just freezes around you , and the only noise around you is two faint heart beats thumping in a confused synchrony. While the voice in your head screams at the top of its lungs in ecstasy, and your lips are shamelessly confessing the same... somehow you can't utter the words ... even to each other.... in the fear that this will all get jinxed and just disappear...

which it did anyway, despite all the precautions I took! :(

So this is an ode to the last kiss, the mother of all kisses... because there isn't going to be another one like this one.

that first kiss

2011-05-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

Why is there always this big fuss about the first kiss. Aren't you sort of fumbling anyway? And why do we hang the albatross of the success of the future relationship around our necks based on how great that first kiss is?

"Oh.. that's a little too much tongue... this guys is probably too aggressive, or maybe he is a pervert .... no way I wanna date someone like that. "

" God he is hardly opening his mouth, what a wuss.... I cant date such a meek fellow who is too scared to face a kiss head on, I mean what he is going to with larger challenges in life"

Really... all that .. from a kiss?

What is a perfect kiss anyway? Is it technique, the person or the hope that those closed eyes will unveil the dreams of the next five ten years with the ones we've locked lips with? In my opinion, all the expectations we have are what sets it up for failure. whether its a kiss or the relationship.

And we shouldn't make a big deal about a first kiss because its exactly that... the FIRST kiss. Doesn't that logically mean that we have so many more kisses to build a connection with this person i.e. chances to work on things and be mature about giving some one a real shot at being your partner.

I'll tell you where to shift the spotlight to. Wait for the next post, por favor !

true dat.

2011-03-15T11:38:00.000-07:00

"people who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most" ...

Te amo España...

2011-03-03T05:35:00.000-08:00

you made me laugh again. you made me want to break into a dance in the middle of the street. you made me feel wonder. you made me feel alive again. you are my favorite place in the world right now.

Eminem to the rescue...

2011-01-18T09:56:00.000-08:00

Guess who's back...
back again
Sue is back
tell a friend !

:D

I know its been a year... but I have a valid excuse. I was getting an education.

Sue turns 25 in style!

2010-02-04T19:58:00.000-08:00

a birthday cake with my face on it
a credit card to cut the cake with
one stolen glass from that club that made us pay cover though we were on the guest list
three large vodkas and a even larger hangover
dal makhani, orange chicken, mutton biryani, icecream, more cake
soul-stirring kisses
a guest hip hop dj who supposedly played for Kardinal, Snoop and Sean Paul - but all he did was scratch and say "Hold up" all night - everyone wondered what he was referring to
tons of white lies
one very loving boyfriend and three very sweet friends
addressing myself as K DRUNK RAO on the feedback card and giving my email address as K DRUNK RAO @ N****'s CROTCH.COM and then refusing to give it to the waiter
a single long stemmed rose
announcing loudly to a table full of people about how I need a birthday bang and someone should offer their room/flat for the good cause
"ishqiya"
hard rock cafe - beef burger n fries with carlsberg - YUMMY
all smiles

Sue turns 25 in style!

love actually...

2010-01-27T02:20:00.000-08:00

you, as a couple, are comfortable enough to make farting wars a regular mode of entertainment
you are willing to offer that last bite of your-most-favorite-i'd-kill-before-i'd-share-food to your someone special because they glanced at it longingly
you are willing to pick up a wet towel he threw on the floor (this one won't last too long I'm thinking lol)
you are happy in silence, you are happy in chatter
you don't hesitate to kiss him after a series of prawn biryani burps
you will go in the general compartment of a train if it is with him
when he collects newspaper and left-over toilet paper from the hotel room to make a safe toilet seat for you in the train
when your sweaty pig boyfriend still gets a hearty hug from you

when this love ends, it still brings a smile to your face when you reminisce.

for better or worse: Plan B

2010-01-26T20:04:00.000-08:00

I return from a four day beach vacation with a tan, empty pockets and a whole lot of perspective. While I left with a heavy heart and a meloncholy mood in the middle of the bad news that has made my gmail inbox its favourite destination. So here it is ... Plan A is down the shithole. And I need to accept and move on. As soon as possible.

1. K - Reject

2. R - Reject

3. H - Reject

4. C - Interviewed - Waiting for decision

5. B - Interviewed - Waitlisted

6. D - Interviewed - Reject

7. I - Waiting for interview

Yea, I know.... it sucks! The day I heard from D, I completely broke down. Five years of planning didn't win over my three years of experience when it came to most of these admissions committees looking at my case.

What is Plan B?

WTF?

2010-01-04T05:08:00.000-08:00

www.beautifulpeople.com

They recently removed 500 members off their list because they gained weight.

Note: Thanks for introducing me to this atrocious site Sharat :P

School # 2

2009-12-18T05:19:00.000-08:00

WAITLISTED

I am beginning to worry now.

the unsaid...

2009-12-12T00:16:00.000-08:00

its unsaid, but not unseen
your eyes touch me head to toe; goosebumps
the chilly night crackles with our spark
a veiled embrace that warms me

its unsaid, but not unheard
the quiet restraint in your first hello
months after that passionate night,
a distant memory, a moment of consequence

its unsaid, but not unfelt
your hand holds mine just a few seconds longer
your gaze that locks me, till I disappear into the oblivion
a reluctant goodbye

its unsaid, but not unnoticed
the fire you've ignited in my being
the longing to be one with you, one with myself
the desire to love again

its unsaid, but you've said it all.

note: inspired just a tad by a post made by one of my fav bloggers - fictitious truth

Confucious says...

2009-12-11T04:05:00.001-08:00

While I don't mind doing the work for free, I better get paid for dealing with all the F****** emails.

Courtesy: gapingvoid.com - BRILLIANCE

Dinged!

2009-12-07T02:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Sue:

The Admissions Committee has completed its review of your application for the ****** School of Management and Two-Year Program. Despite your many merits as a candidate, I regret to inform you that we are not able to offer you a place in the entering class.

The Admissions Committee carefully evaluated your application in the following areas: work experience, career plans, academic ability and performance, extracurricular and community involvement, leadership and interpersonal skills. Decisions are based upon a thorough evaluation of your individual strengths and weaknesses, as well as your qualifications relative to all others in our applicant pool. This decision is not a reflection of your personal qualities and achievements or your potential for success in management, but merely a reflection of the limited number of places in the class.

We certainly wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors, and thank you for your interest in the ***** School of Management and Two-Year Program .

Sincerely,

ABC DEF
Assistant Dean, Director of Admissions and Financial Aid

While I expected to not get into this program because it was a VERY long shot, I was still disappointed that I was "Dinged". The number of applications multiplied this year. All from brilliant, super achievers with years and years of experience from across the world. I probably didn't stand a chance. I could have been what they called a "passable" candidate.

Now while I know that I don't match up, I feel better (almost) about the whole situation when I read the letter above. The magic of words rightly put, prevails. While you know its bullshit, you do feel like they are rubbing balm on your wounds by saying that you as good as anyone else. My dad loved the letter so much, he wants to distribute it to all the candidates he rejects at his company.

Keeping my fingers crossed for the others. December 16 is D day for the other Chicago school that I'm rooting for. Another interview invite just trickled in for an ivy league school. I am hopeful again. You better not have taken a break from praying for me.

Breathe easy!

2009-12-01T06:54:00.000-08:00

1. Sleepless nights DONE
2. PMSing DONE
3. Losing clumps of hair DONE
4. Gaining a couple of kgs DONE
5. Three ghastly pimples/week DONE
6. Watching my social life go to one incoming call/day DONE
7. Using my boyfriend as a punching bag DONE
8. Chipped nails for weeks together DONE
9. Long lists of complaints DONE
10. 8 Heavy duty MBA applications DONE
11. 1 Super hard interview with a "turrum khan" alum from a top Chicago school DONE
12. Praying and hoping ONGOING

God knows...

2009-11-24T04:48:00.000-08:00

I eat beef. And possibly anything that falls on my plate.
I drink alcohol.
I get nervous at temples when there is serious "pooja" rituals going on.
I am thinking about that movie poster I saw earlier that morning, when I close my eyes with folded hands.
I pray for others. It comes true always.
I pray for myself. It comes true sometimes.
I pray for random beggars, dogs, traffic policeman who work in the sun everyday. I don't know if it comes true.
I swear a hell lot.
I ate chicken in Tirupati.
I drank beer in Tirupati.
I had the one spiritual experience of my life in Tirupati.
I lied many a time.
I don't believe in religious rituals.
I cheated a couple of times.
I didn't wait till I got married.
I desire a closet full of expensive clothes and shoes.
I sin. And don't judge others for their sins.

God knows I am human. We are friends.

Confucious says...

2009-11-07T05:26:00.000-08:00

I don't know why people contemplate death(suicide) when they are at their worst.

When you have nothing left to lose, that's exactly when you truly learn to take that great risk called life.

When you have nothing left to lose, that's when you have limitless possibilities as to what you can gain.

You are missed Spooky!

2009-11-04T21:45:00.001-08:00

“You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

-David Harkins

courtesy: my friend vicks

Confucious says...

2009-10-29T05:07:00.003-07:00

If only time would stand still, I would dance away!

Say a lil' prayer for me

2009-10-27T06:06:00.000-07:00

Got my first invite to interview for a top five school! YAAAAAAAY!

Hope all the others trickle in soon as well.

a moment of peace

2009-10-26T00:48:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive!

2009-10-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

I know its been a while since I've said hello to the Sushi bar.

A lot has happened since my last post, some of it life-changing.

Completed Round 1 of bSchool applications. Praying for some good news.

Round 2 is up in a few weeks.

Even though the list of returning readers on this blog has dwindled.

I will write to keep myself sane.

wannaB-schooler!

2009-08-18T05:37:00.000-07:00

In the coming few months, I will be see my dreams of five years turn to reality…or not! Depends on whether I get in…into B-school …. In the ‘land of opportunity’ - do they still call it considering the recession and all that? I’ve wanted to study in America since I visited there in tenth grade and the life-altering move will happen based on whether these highly-coveted schools think I am worth them. Well, I am…they just gotta see it like I do.

The really ironic thing about MBA school applications is that they make you introspect. I was hoping to take out of two years of my life to do just that – introspect. That … while I go to class, have intellectual debates on the future of digital marketing during recession with a Korean classmate over Starbucks caramel latte, take exchange trips to Venezuela, and at the end of it fight for a job in these dismal times – that is when I figure out what kinda job I like and balance it to how much it pays. If they make me reflect so much now, I will have nothing to do when I join school – oh wait, knowing me I’ll find something to think (pre-fix: over) about.

My strategy: applying to seven schools – each one of these is very hard to get into. My admissions counselor guy thinks I’m a fool to not include some other schools in which getting in would be a cake walk for me. But, I honestly get turned on by a challenge – an easy win does not get me off. Plus, If I spend so much money (read: I = Dad), leave my cushy life in India and give up my harem of servants behind to go slog my ass off in a new country – it better be for a top-class MBA behind my name and a rockstar husband and a mad-money career following it. After all, I am supposedly giving up a nice domesticated life - mass-producing fat little babies and cooking Andhra fish curry for my very rich, lungi-wearing, moustache’d Telugu husband (so says my dad, trying to show me what I’ll be missing…while I look at it as what I will be escaping…teehee).

Seven schools, four essays on an average – 28 long pieces of blowing-my-own-trumpet (read: self-dabba for my ‘desi’ friends), i-think-business-can-coexist-with-ethics-and- world peace , I-believe-I- can-fly kinda stories for the MBA admissions committees to digest. I will be burning the midnight oil for many nights – I better get in or the local suicide helpline can pre-book a half-an-hour counseling session for me.

Wish me luck!

This dance is mine

2009-08-10T03:22:00.000-07:00

I'm lost in thought
You take my hand
A gentle tug
I rise to stand

You lead me on
Hands intertwine
I walk with you
This dance is mine

The saxophone sings
My heart beats to the base
Music takes over
I meet your gaze

My feet follow yours
Floating across the floor
You twist, I twirl
Backgrounds blur

You throw me up
I kiss the sky
You bring me down
I am still high

The song is gone
My heart still sings
You walk me home
But you give me wings

Days crawl by
of sun and rain
I ache, I yearn
When do we dance again

One with you

2009-08-06T08:23:00.000-07:00

Without you.
I wake up to another day
of unfulfilled desire, of deep languish
of intense pain,
of wasted life?

Without you.
Time stands still.
But the hunger grows.
Every passing minute,
I crave for you.

Without you.
I eat to live
I die to drink.
My lips can still taste you,
You fill up my senses.

Without you.
Company is bland.
My soul doesn't rise up to dance,
even to my favorite beat.
Alone in a crowd, always.

Without you.
I crawl.
I beg.
I exist. Merely.
Till I am one with you.

Note: This is an ode to my two favorite things in the world - Meat and alcohol. I am off both for 40 days and 40 nights. August 20... I am one with you!

But, there you are!

2009-07-16T00:21:00.000-07:00

I think you are gone.
From my conversations, my hopes, my dreams, my days, my nights.... my happiness, my sorrows ... my all!
But, there you are!

More often than sometimes, but not always.
You come back to remind me.
Just when I think, that your essence has left me, there you are!
Filling my mind, my heart, my body, my soul with the longing that I thought I had buried deep under my scars of losing you.

You said I was the one.
I said, I wasn't.
I believed you were right for someone else.
You and I were just... incidental?

You said, you didn't believe in soul mates... it was more about the commitment that you make and keep to one person...to any person...and it will work.
I said, the compatibility between two people and their personalities, hopes and dreams was way more important than a mere commitment.
I wanted us to cut our losses.
For us to embrace our soul mates.
For you.
For me.

I think you are gone.
But, there you are!
The same you.
A different you.
A calmer, happier you.
Holding your soul mate.
I knew you would find her.
But you needed to lose me first.

A courteous hug.
The regular small talk about dysfunctional ovaries and the new haircut.
That familiarity that is slowly fading away.
That void that is growing bigger by the day.

A smug comfort that I was right. My special someone is now with someone special.
A warm satisfaction that you are finally happy now.
A slight, throbbing pain of losing you. It never leaves me.

I think you are gone. But, there you are.

Disclaimer: This is more of a creative outburst than an emotional one. Status quo is recommended.

?

2009-07-09T01:22:00.000-07:00

I get turned on when the salon lady washes my hair.
I also get turned on when I get a manicure. And when I get a massage. Especially when I get a massage. :P

Am I a lesbian?

Confucious says...

2009-07-06T05:17:00.001-07:00

Love is a shadow...

its there one minute and gone before you know it!

Courtesy: German Hari

www.stillnotonline_getwiththeprogramdude.com

2009-07-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

Part deux of the previous post....

you wake up with nightmares of your Facebook account being deleted and you losing your social life because of it
you are an old 'bird' if you dont tweet on twitter (5 points to me for the clever use of words in this one)
you order clothes off American stores online and get them shipped to you and then brag to your friends about a very expensive shopping trip abroad
you are chatting with a hottie and he uses a word that you don't understand, a two minute rescue mission to dictionary.com later...you find an equally intellectual sounding word to construct your witty, flirtatious reply
picasa is your personal book of memories from recent years
you have a select group of friends who you've never met but love interacting with, through the blogosphere (This one is for the walker, fictitioustruth and all my other blogger friends)
a creative director that you are in awe of (who probably thinks that being the young account executive, you are a groupie of the creative team) reads your blog and thinks you actually might have a tiny streak of talent in copy writing (:P at whatmark)
you sign up for an automatic mailer from a hit music site to show off your knowledge of the latest music to DJ posse
you state listening to online radio as a pre-requisite for creativity in your work to your boss
your mum asks you to take print outs of the latest styles of saree blouses to get the local darzi to stitch it for her
you are on vacation for a month or longer and look up the e-editions of the local newspapers' page 3 section to make sure you don't miss any gossip (This is especially very true of Hyderabad)
gtalk keeps you entertained on some lonely Saturday nights
you download those same Telugu movies that you make fun of otherwise off of Torrent to watch when you are working away from home
that classmate whose skirt you pulled down in front of everyone in third grade or the one whose boyfriend you stole in ninth grade, accepts your facebook friend request and you know you are finally forgiven after all these years
your grandfather who used to mock the internet and called it a trend that will die down sheepishly asks you to teach him how to use e-mail
your dad learns how to navigate the various options available on matrimonial sites and starts spamming you with pictures of potential grooms
your friends rate your sense of humour based on your comments on facebook
you record every stupid, insignificant yet exciting thing that happens to you by updating your FB status through your phone
you carry your BlackBerry to the loo in the morning along with your newspaper

www.youbetterbeonline.com

2009-06-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

You know you live in the the internet age when...

you have your facebook statuses planned in advance for the week
you blog about anything exciting/interesting/ghastly that happened to you before you call your friend and chat about it
you judge a guy's date-ability score on the basis of his email id and nickname on chat applications
you think shaadi.com is a foolproof way of finding a husband
you can consult webmd for that embarrasing, what-if-its-an-STD itch rather than your family physician
you google the recipe for a spanish omelette when the potential bridegroom in the next room asks if you can cook continental food...

note to self: there are better ways to spend saturday night OFFLINE. more to come tomorrow!

From Chennai to Cannes

2009-06-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

A fabulous TV ad for Times of India that has made it to the judging panel at Cannes Lions Awards

Sing it with me .... Ara ra naaka muka...

Check it out:

Dear God,

2009-06-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

If you gave me one wish...

No, I wouldn't want all the money in the world
No, I wouldn't want the perfect GMAT score
No, I wouldn't ask for that one guy that I still love, to come back
No, I wouldn't ask to be the hottest girl about town (even though, that wouldn't be a bad thing to happen at all)

I'd ask for you to replace my defective, constantly overacting ovaries for a pair of well-functioning balls.

I do not want to be an overweight, pre-diabetic, hormonally-zonked pit bull ANYMORE. Thank you for hearing me out.

Love,
Sue

Of all things in the world... a pit bull?

2009-06-22T04:40:00.000-07:00

A colleague who crossed my path when I was suffering from a heavy dose of PMS said that on days like these, I resemble a pit bull who corners people and then pees on them. And as if that's not enough, I bite them in the ass to top off the deal.

Really?

Confucious says...

2009-06-15T04:39:00.000-07:00

Love is like grocery shopping...

its a matter of proximity and convenience!

Confucious says...

2009-06-15T04:31:00.001-07:00

It's finally time to be me, no one is watching.

Off the radar...

2009-06-07T18:45:00.000-07:00

and where else I’ve been over the past couple of months:

#1 Hidden in my safe place – home
#2 The hospital – the ovaries are overacting again
#3 My new workplace. Yes, the voluntary unemployment has come to an end; unfortunately or fortunately
#4 Shopping on Michigan Avenue
#5 Filling up my father’s bar with a trip to the duty free shop
#6 Exploring the suburbs of Massachusetts. And Cape Cod…. beautiful!
#7 Livin’ it up in Chicago – downtown…right by the lakeshore!
#8 Caught in an unexpected, uncomplicated, warm embrace with a complicated and sometimes cold ex
#9 Hunched over the toilet bowl – throwing up after drunk nights. And to think I pride myself over never puking (only passing out) when smashed
#10 In a beamer convertible, cruisin’ down New England roads on nice, 70 degree days
# 11 An American airport. Stranded. For 15 hours.
# 12 On matrimonial sites. What? … Just seein' what’s out there :P
# 13 In a motel-room bed, alone, for 30 nights
# 14 On a harbor cruise in lovely Boston
# 15 On Facebook, liking way too many photographs, comments and status messages

And now for places I should have been:
# 1 At the gym
# 2 On his mind
# 3 Hiking
# 4 Learning how to swim
# 5 At Miami ad school (taking a course in copy writing)

Blessed are the beautiful

2009-03-23T01:31:00.000-07:00

Do beautiful people get it all easy in life?

In my 24 years of a somewhat interesting existence, I have observed a few trends that transcend genders, cultures and timezones.

One of them is that really good looking people, I mean drop-dead gorgeous... somehow get it all easier/faster than the rest of us.

They seem to belong to an elevated world of unbelievable, sometimes undeserved, mindboggling beauty.... people who get noticed by bouncers outside popular clubs and can hence skip the line, those who can hail a taxi ten times faster than the rest of us, and those that everyone wants to meet or be.

Those who say that beauty can take you only so far, are they just jealous, not-so-attractive, brainy critics who are trying to justify their own existence? Becos I think beauty is one thing that can take you very far in life. You are always treated like a special creature by the world around you. You walk into a club, a wedding, a family get together or into a school classroom ... the whole world is just mesmerized. And if you happen to be this exotic creatures' friend, be prepared to be ignored royally for a while. People will be shaking hands with you when introduced, but their eyes will be talking to the "creature".

What about interviews? I thought, come on that sounds far-fetched... I am sure interviewers notice that the candidate is attractive but that cannot be a factor of choice. Research proves that beautiful "creatures" can clinch the deal in an interview based on their beauty. It is supposed to be a sub-conscious "halo-effect" that takes over an interviewer's mind. If this person is so attractive, so charming... I'm sure that they are good at their job, good at life, good at everything. If the interviewer had to choose between two candidates who are somewhat similarly qualified, you can be sure that the attractive one is in.

Hmm. What about a social life? Beautiful people have FABULOUS social lives and wait - without trying. Everyone wants to befriend them and that automatically opens doors to conversation. I think this also trickles into their love lives. Generally, the first thing that attracts a person to the opposite sex is looks and if one's got a 100/100 there, then the foundation to a relationship is laid pretty solid. The halo effect can probably apply here as well. A beautiful creature automatically catches your eye without having to try too hard, while the rest of us will be invisible, how ever hard we try.

Also there is the matter of quantity and quality, a beautiful creature will have triple the number of interested parties to choose from so that automatically increases the chances of finding a great partner. You end up choosing the best one for you out of the huge set of options in front of you. If you compare that situation to the rest of us under-privileged (if i may use that term without being prosecuted) creatures, a handful of people would actually be interested in the first look (those who supposedly look deeper lol) , out of which a few, you might create a miniscule connection with .... so you can count your options for a lifepartner on the the fingers of your hand. They say - settle for what you have and thats what most of us end up doing, maybe for the lack of confidence of finding something better suited for us?

Now my brain-spew above is just a collection of possibly prejudiced opinions but maybe some of you may identify with what I am saying. Now, the next question to debate is whether beauty is a sustained formula for success.... does the competitive advantage last?

Confucious says...

2009-02-22T04:55:00.000-08:00

Love is like a desperate call to the suicide helpline...

it saves you from your seemingly unending misery, just in time.

love-bytes

2009-02-18T04:05:00.000-08:00

The last few days have just tizzyed past me. I guess love makes you lose track of time. and much more.

Miserable me decided to go away for a while (hoping she has permanently moved to Alaska) and let carefree, chilled out and oh-can-I-dare-say-it HAPPY?!!!? me bring in the year 2009.

I've recently taken up some very strange activities and characteristics which do not suit my regular personality as I know it (well, not the recent "me" atleast)
Many a time, I find myself...

smiling like a goofy fifteen year old 24X7.

dancing .... all the time.... in the shower, in the kitchen, in the lawn, in the bedroom, on the road, in a coffee shop, in a club, at a petrol bunk, in my head, in my dreams and in his arms...

laughing... at funny jokes and at not so funny jokes

staring at the clouds and the night sky

smiling at my dad's angry face when he is yelling at me for being useless all day

endlessly waiting for my phone to ring, craving to hear his voice

becoming an insomniac

blocking out my past, my negative emotions and any apprehensions or confusions that may haunt me

getting up in the morning with excitement for the coming day in my head

constantly looking out of my window for that beat-down grey ikon. 9459.

checking the hair one too many times and once I look perfect, kissing myself in the mirror. What? I am worth the lovin I say.

feeling the happy vibe even after he has left.

flaunting my beautiful ring to every single human being that happens to cross my path. Oh wait, I didn't spare the neighbour's dog either.

forgetting all the miserable moments last year

and more than anything,

looking forward to life and loving every moment of it!

Since Dec 29, I have lost...

2009-02-09T21:51:00.000-08:00

1. a job I loved.
2. a person who meant a lot
3. my ambition and dreams
4. my will power
5. my way to the gym
6. my faith in the corporate system.
7. a best friend
8. my heart
9. 2000 rupees
10. my confidence in my professional prowess
11. my 23rd year
12. my misconception that I don't have close friends

I have gained... a new perspective on life and a smile on my face (for the most part)!

It's time for prozac!

2008-12-29T04:49:00.000-08:00

I had two weeks of vacation time and I have spend most of it at home staring at my wall, talking to my two very bored dogs and watching random serials on all the possible channels I could find on my cable TV menu.

I am by far the most non-happening person I have come across. All my friends including my dearest ex are in Goa having a ball, while I sit here writing this depressing post.

It's time for prozac. Well, a vacation could do it too, I suppose.

Truth or dare?

2008-12-27T01:18:00.000-08:00

So here is what I picked up from a good friend's blog:

The way its supposed to go is that you get a chance to express ur true feelings by answering these questions honestly... no negative or positive repurcussions, I promise.

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. Something I have and you want?

4. Give me a nick name and explain why you picked it?

5. Describe me in one word?

6. What was your first impression of me?

7. Do you still think that way about me now?

8. What reminds you of me?

9. If you could ever give me one thing, what would it be?

10. How well do you know me?

11. How do you see me in future?

12. Ever wanted to tell me anything, but couldn't?

Source: Paradox Phillic (I don't plagiarise whether I am accused of it or not :P )

Hmm.

2008-12-24T23:18:00.001-08:00

They say, you can never part with someone on "good terms", because if you were on good terms with that person, why would you part?

No dates for me tonight...

2008-12-24T20:03:00.001-08:00

... I got my TV dinner in the microwave!

Who needs a man when you got a Television at home. Let me tell you why:

(From here on, I am going to refer to TV as him, he, his in this post. Well, 'it' just doesn't do justice.)

1. My TV offers a range of emotions in response to my myriad moods - drama, action, suspense, romance, sex and more. I sure can't expect all of it from the same relationship with a man.

2. My TV is there as my loyal companion on many lonely nights. I don't have to dress up or curl my hair for him, he will not judge. My pajamas will do.

3. My TV can keep me constantly entertained. For a person of fleeting interest, his 300 and more (is that the number of Tata Sky channels available now) personalities can keep me on my toes.

4. I don't have to drive to get to my date. It waits for me at home every night, promising me one hour of uninterrupted relaxation after a dreadful day at work.

5. My TV delivers what it promises without any mind games.

6. My TV talks to me in the middle of those nights, when I can't sleep and wake up at 3 AM. I then fall back asleep to its soft voice in the background.

7. My parents allow me to have my TV in my bedroom - 24X7. No hassles at all! Now, when would I be able to do that with a boy.

8. My TV comes with a guarantee card. I can easily exchange if my expectations are not fulfilled.

9. My TV is my eyes to the world. I am still growing up and he helps me form perceptions and learn about things without imposing.

10. Best of all, I got all his buttons in my hand; God bless the remote!

Confucious says...

2008-12-24T19:55:00.000-08:00

Love is like a button...

it can keep your outfit (life) together or let it fall apart.

Confucious says...

2008-12-15T05:28:00.000-08:00

Love is like a band-aid...

providing short-term relief till its time to rip it off, hurting yourself all over again.

Confucious says...

2008-12-05T22:02:00.000-08:00

Love is like marijuana...

you gotta try it atleast once in your life, just to know what its like.

I'm freeeeeee !!

2008-12-05T05:37:00.000-08:00

Please find enclosed, my letter of resignation.

Confucious says...

2008-12-01T03:05:00.000-08:00

Love is like a vodka shot.

It gives you a short but sweet headrush at first, and a bitch of a headache later.

woh mera pehla pehla pyar...

2008-11-28T22:15:00.000-08:00

That boy that I met at a party, an interesting fella. I was rambling some bullshit story to him and could only finish half of it and I had to get home - after all I was only 17 and had a curfew time at home.

He hooked me by asking for my number. I raised an eyebrow, and he smiled cheekily and said it was only because he wanted to hear the rest of the story. Charming, I thought.

Many such sweet incidents followed.

There was this time he had his leg in a cast due to a cricket accident, and I was to leave for Canada the next day I think. I had wanted to go dancing and he decided if I wanted to go dancing, then we had to go dancing. We went to a club and swayed to the popular song at that time 'Aicha' with him leaned against a wall cos he couldn't stand without support. This one ranks in the "Top romantic dances of my life" list.

Another time when I was upset about something and was talking to him on the phone. It was something trivial, but I was upset anyway. To cheer me up, he got his friend to drive him over to my house (cos his leg is still in a cast), calls me out, hands me a Dairy Milk chocolate, smiles and leaves. How adorable is that?

He would pass by my house on his bike and ask me to come out for a second and wave as he went by, that was our 'mulakaat' for the day considering Dad was closely monitoring my trips to the outside world. :D

I remember this and much more, but I don't remember why we broke up, fought or all the ugly mess that followed. But I guess that works for me.

I am still in touch with him, and we finally seem to have gotten over the bitterness, so cheers to a long friendship ahead of us. Whoever said you shouldn't keep in touch with your exes, isn't right in this case.

Confucious says...

2008-11-28T21:59:00.000-08:00

Love is a war field...

You let you defence down for a minute and you get shot in the heart!!

I solemnly promise to...

2008-11-24T03:04:00.000-08:00

never edit or proofread my blog posts ever again cos I do that 12 x 6 hours a week at work.

Please don't pull a grammar police on me. I have no interest in commas, semi-colons or m-dashes or in their placement what so ever!!

The friends Sue needs to survive

2008-11-24T02:50:00.000-08:00

This one is dedicated to the friend who sent the link for this piece to me and all my other pals who listen to me whine day in and out...

" Guys and girls both need to have that one person who is always there and doesn’t need a study guide to understand them, but even he or she can’t be all things at all times. Take a look at this list of five friends every person needs to survive and then get together with yours and enjoy perfect company. After all, great health and good looks can only take you so far alone. For a real makeover, appreciate the friends you’ve got and perhaps decide to make a few more to balance out your lifestyle and theirs.

The friend who gets it. Yes, this is often the misery loves company friend and that’s okay. When you’re absolutely certain your world has fallen apart and can never be put back together, you need a friend who’s been there and lived to tell the tale. This life saver should be listener extraordinaire who can tell you how you’re feeling before you say the words. They don’t try to tell you the glass is half full; they just appreciate your fear of the empty portion and assure you of your survival by their existence.

The tell-it-like-it-is friend. This guy’s for when you’ve wallowed, whined, complained and vegged quite enough. They are the friend who gets you back on your feet and into the mainstream of life. They are also the one who can tell you, quite frankly, that you need to get your head on straight and stop seeing that girl, drinking too much, wearing those clothes or openly warn you of any other catastrophe you’re about to head into. This has to be someone who can tell you you’re wrong and you’ll be willing to at least consider that they may be right.

The nut. This girl is a freak in normal girl’s clothing. She has a million phobias and neuroses and always wonders if there are sharks in fresh water or scorpions in the bed sheets. She makes you normal. Need we say more?

The new friend. Make a friend. It’s good for you. Expand your interests, take a leap of faith, share a secret. Making new friends helps you to evaluate who you are and what you really want in life. Old friends begin to look a lot alike after all those years. You tolerate each other. New friends help you see yourself through a new set of eyes. You might be surprised to find that you’ve accomplished those goals and become a better… you fill in the blank.

The friend for life. This friend has been around the block with you more than a few times. He knows your dirt and your accomplishments and still shows up when you need him. He’s got your back no matter how stupid you just were. He’s there to pick you up and slow you down. This is the guy who knows what you’ll do before you do. No matter how long it’s been, it’s like no time has passed since you last spoke. "

Source: Carefair.com

Infestation of the corporate poly-ticks - The Series

2008-11-22T21:24:00.000-08:00

Watch out for the unfolding saga of the corporate poly-ticks who have Miss sickly weekly ready to jump off the fifth floor balcony of the very-posh office building in Hitec city, Hyderabad.

A story with many interesting characters:

the protagonist - Miss sickly weekly
the boss - Ms Cruella Deville
a supportive manager in the team - Mr Wise Shorty
the immediate boss -Ms two face
client # 1 - Ms why-couldn't-you-be-MY-boss-instead
client # 2 - Ms how-can-you-look-so-hot-at-37
the other victimized team member - Mr how-can-they-treat-me-like-this?
the super boss - Ms Overseas
the friend from another team - Ms supportive distraction

Soon to hit "the Sushi Bar" ( well only as soon as Miss sickly weekly decides to quit.)

In pursuit of harmony

2008-11-22T19:42:00.000-08:00

My first tattoo shown in the post below - kanji symbols for the word "harmony".

I always knew that when I get a tattoo, it would be of significance to me and wouldn't be some random design just cos it looks pretty. I also have a fetish for world language scripts, I think they look beautiful, alien and mysterious.

During the 30-minute pleasurably painful ordeal of permanently inking myself, I was deep in thought about the meaning of the word "harmony". There was absolutely none of it in my life and that's what made it significant. I was in pursuit of harmony, and if I ever found it, I would treasure it for life.

Money, success, friends, relationships come and go in one's life and it's the same with mine. I had highs and lows with all of these things walking in and out of my life but the one thing that is important is to have a balanced, somewhat disassociated and almost "zen" attitude to be able ride the waves without losing yourself in it.

Harmony - "a pleasing arrangement of parts" as per dictionary.com, would allow for this "balanced" approach - a way to create beautiful music out of the high and low notes in my life.

Harmony in my mind, body, soul and in my surroundings as well.

Harmony in my mind: Making balanced, rational decisions - taking all the important factors into account and also the weightage associated with each one to come up with a decision that is best for me and the factors/people involved. A decision that I can stick with and not waver from. Basically, eradicate all confusion. A decision that comforts my gut as well as my thought.

Harmony in my body: To have all my organs in working order and together for the greater good of the whole 'Sue'. The ovary has overacting and the kidney has been kidnapped for way tooo long. I'd like to feel healthy, completely healthy - not one sniffle, not one pimple and no strain of tiredness in the body - even if its just for a day.

Harmony in my soul: To be connected, truly connected with my soul. To be in touch with my bigger purpose, to find my faith and know my place in the world. To know the real me and accept the real me.

Harmony in my surroundings: To have a healthy, happy home with no signs of schizophrenia,depression in miles of me. To have positive, balanced people as my friends, parents, acquaintences and lovers. To shower my affection on people that shower their affection on me.

This tattoo, an extension of me now, constantly reminds me to stay in pursuit of harmony.

In pursuit of harmony

2008-10-27T03:23:00.001-07:00

Due credits to Sandy, my very talented photographer friend!

Ol' times

2008-10-21T21:11:00.001-07:00

Its great to meet old friends from school after a long hiatus because they manage to take you back to the memories - some sweet, some bitter, some embarrasing and some downright humiliating. Those that you had managed to shift+delete from your mind as it was just convenient to forget them than mull over em.

Let me go back to:

1. The time when I wore bright orange pants to school in eight grade for my birthday. I blamed it on my mom for many years, but I know deep down I loved them when she bought them for me. A fashion faux-pas that I have never lived down.

2. The time I got that insane haircut in seventh grade. I decided I had the skills of a hairdresser and cut my hair so short, it hardly reached my ear.

3. The other time when I got my hair permed and the brush got stuck in it at the school ladies room.

4. The couple of months when I was ALWAYS in baggy jeans and boyish t-shirts. They covered up the curves well, considering all the friends were boys (Yes, even then!).

5. The controversies with other women over the high school basketball team stars being interested in me (I am allowed to show off - trust me - If you saw me then, you'd be surprised)

6. That ancient maths tuition teacher who used to lament every time I made a careless calculation mistake saying "Sue, you are an intelligent child but not a diligent child!"

Thanks Pranav, Bhavna, Himanshu for reminding me of the ol' times.

Could be yours, Sue

2008-10-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

Every one who has known me for a while, knows my strong opinion on arranged marriages and how "dysfunctional" and "outdated" they are in concept.

But as I see my fellow opinionated friends slowly take the plunge themselves and find that they opened their minds to this concept to find a life partner through this system, I start to ponder - Is there some merit in this system, that my prejudice and bias has not allowed me to see this far.

As my parents "do the dance" about the Chartered accountants, engineers and doctors that I should check out, I am slowly finding my resistance to see their photos melting away - just for fun I say - but deep-down it is to keep that tiny door of opportunity to find everlasting love open.

Dad, recently threw a tantrum about how I should get professional photographs done - complete with heavy foundation, straight hair, lighting and a "disco shanti" saree. I refused... agreeing with my friend who quipped, laughing at my situation, "Kab tak sach ko chupaoge".

So while my mother was sitting next to me to write a "shaadi" bio-data... I decided the format below was too boring,

Name : Sue
Age: 23 years
Height: 5'5

I decided to put a spin on it which I plan to secretly send to the prospectives.

Hey boy (don’t know your name yet),

My name is Sue. I am a 23 year old dreamer. I see the world from five and a half feet above ground level with brown eyes full of questions and intrigue. Bouncy, curly hair forms a halo around my ‘devilishly naughty’ head.

I went off on an adventure trip to pursue my undergraduate degree in Business (marketing) in Canada after finishing my Grade 12 in Delhi Public School (R.K. Puram). Four years and whirlwind of exciting experiences later, I emerged a graduate and an adult. After one year of working in Canada at my university, a power company and Mercedes-Benz, I chose to return to the ‘homeland’ and worked with an advertising firm and then switched to (the organization I am with at present). (The organization) has managed to retain my interest for more than a year now. I work with the Internal Communications team and my job involves writing, editing, publishing, organizing, networking and not losing my head while doing all this.

And now the real me: a fun-lover, a brooder, a writer, a dancer, a blogger, a glutton, a social animal, an entertainer, a dog-lover, a conversationalist, a traveler and more.

My views on arranged marriage: I didn’t think I was cut out for it. But, choosing to take a chance due to my new-found belief in destiny.

Now, who is the real you?

Could be yours (*conditions apply),
Sue

* Conditions being: You have to be above-average hot, a dreamer, believe in treating your woman like a partner, a good cook (cos I suck), a dancer (its important to keep up with me on the floor), have high levels of patience (I am known to be difficult, sometimes!), be intellectually stimulating and have a killer sense of humour.

Random rambling

2008-10-20T19:38:00.000-07:00

Every time I take a trip, I feel doing something significant to remember that experience. And this something significant, is always to do with my body - a tattoo, a piercing, a drastic haircut. At this rate, I will be a museum of body art in a couple of years. What is wrong with me? Is my routine life so damn boring, that I have to go over the board to be adventurous and rebellious every time I get away from it for a few days?

Blah!

It's all about the ass...

2008-09-30T06:59:00.000-07:00

Thanks for sending me this one, puppy!

Privacy, or the lack of it!

2008-09-30T00:23:00.000-07:00

You can't even smile to yourself these days, without your 'nosy' friends noticing it and giving you a hard time later.

Please note Hetch, this is not to be misconstrued as a confession or agreement to your accusation.

Those were the days...

2008-08-28T11:05:00.001-07:00

You know Bollywood has arrived when...

2008-08-28T11:04:00.001-07:00

a mainstream bhangra number has Snoop Dogg guest starring in it. Damn!

Pray!

2008-08-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

My best friend is in the hospital due to a bad accident. Please pray for him. He needs it.

Danke Schon.

Update - Aug 29, 2008

Thanks for your prayers. They seem to be working as he is getting better. But don't stop yet cos he doesn't remember who I am. Pray that his memory comes back or I will be a stranger to him.

Blink. Blank. Blink. CRASH !!

2008-08-24T06:13:00.001-07:00

One fine morning, I stop on the way to pick up my friend. He offers to drive. I decline. I feel like driving today, it's been a while you know. So I set off to work with my friend in the seat next to me. He makes some conversation with me for a bit, but we settle into a comfortable silence soon after. He is lost in his own thoughts, and so am I.

I am thinking about the 50 unread emails in my inbox at work. And that dreaded meeting with this client who I am dead sure is going to ask for that project plan, that is not ready yet as I am running behind on schedule due to that other silly project that fell into my lap cos my colleague didn't complete it in time.

Man.....looks like a traffic jam ahead. I slow down. I am still preoccupied with my long things to do list for the day ahead. The white Scorpio in front moves a few metres ahead. I raise my foot off the brake in my Automatic Santro car and it starts to inch forward to take up the empty space before some motorcycle or scooter guy tries to squeeze in. So I reach the desired spot and I move my foot forward to brake and settle in for the next wait.

I BLINK. Panic sets in. I cannot remember which one is the brake and which one is the accelerator pedal. How can this be happening? My heart beat starts to rise. I am still trying to rack my brains but I AM BLANK. I am dangerously close to the Scorpio in front of me. I want to stop the car but I cannot take the risk of pressing the pedal that I think might be the brake because if it is the other one by chance then I will hit the car in front of me even harder. Time slowed down for those few seconds. I could sense the impending disaster ahead of me. I take the risk and hit what I think is the brake but I guess it is not with enough conviction as I feel my car CRASH into the car ahead.

Amidst the loud sounds of car honks and shattering glass, I am confused, scared and almost ready to cry. I regain my poise and take my sunglasses off, getting myself ready to face the music and a big, burly guy gets down from the car in front of me. He walks over to examine the damage and walks purposefully towards my window. I am sheepishly saying sorry and look straight at him with my own panic-veiled eyes. He softens once he sees my face and walks back to his car without saying a word and drives off. I am too nervous to get down to examine the damage to my car so I just start driving. Miraculously, now I can drive as naturally as I can walk.

I am worried shit-less about this accident. I sure hope I don't forget to breathe one day.

Have you ever...

2008-08-22T07:10:00.000-07:00

made a mistake that 8000 people know about?

I just did.

MIA

2008-08-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

I know I have been Missing In Action for a while. Well let's see...

Fever. Cough. Cold. Tired. Swamped with work. Uninspired. Exasperated.

and then a few days off...

Travelled. Bangalore. Partied. Shopped. Tattoed. Drank. Ate. Walked. Coorg. Hiked. Rafted. Witnessed waterfalls. Met with the monks. Inspired to travel more.

Back. More work. Frustrated at others' incompetency. Even more tired. Uninspired...again!!

But. I will be back to writing soon. Till then, don't miss me too much. :P

The temptation of the temporary!

2008-07-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

If you know that something or someone will give you temporary moments of satisfaction/contentment or even happiness but you are dead sure that this won't last...

Should you still take the plunge and enjoy it?
or
Should you protect yourself now, from the hurt of losing it later, by not indulging in it at all?

Why are most Indian men such perverted pigs???

2008-07-25T22:10:00.001-07:00

The forum is open for discussion.

the real Sue

2008-07-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

The latest personality test I took gives a little insight into the real Sue. It is accurate for the most part. So a sneak peak for you boys who are trying to woo me.

For short: Wildcat, Naughty, Party gal, Thoughtful

"You are romantic in your outlook with a bit of a taste for the exotic. You love feeling the sea breeze in your hair, sun on your skin... you always take the first dip. When it comes to art, you are definitely unconventional, you are drawn to the beauty of the human body - and to the opportunity to express your identity through it. Music rules your weekends. Sweaty clubs, bangin' parties are where you feel most at home. You are very sociable, love going out, meeting friends and havin it large.

Always first to take the leap, you always look forward and try not to have any regrets. You like to take the plunge - this positive attitude will give you a wealth of experience. For kicks, there is nothing like a little affection to give you a buzz. There is always so much flirting to be done. When it comes to holidays, there is nothing that beats the night lights of the big cities (but I love calm beaches too). With a metropolis as your playground, you will never run out of things to do.

You love being a little bit naughty. Being good all the time is too boring - life should be about enjoyment. Your choice of drink reflects extravagant but classic taste. You probably like to get dressed up, go out and been seen in all the glamourous haunts (only sometimes though. There are many times I enjoy chilling with friends over a beer). As for the home you are a bit of a traditionalist. It is not just about function - style is a definite priority.

For you friendship is all about being there for one another. It's so precious to know that there are there a few special people in the world that you can always rely on. When you think of freedom, you think of being incharge of your own direction. The open road and a full tank can take you pretty much anywhere."

Take the survey!

2008-07-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

I came out with a promotion and a great rating/bonus and the following advice from the appraisal this year:

"You are perceived as arrogant and as someone with an attitude problem by some other managers in the process who have not worked with you. I am your manager and I know it is confidence and self-assurance regarding your capabilities and you are very open to feedback but you appear that way to the outside world. That is not good for your future career."

Ok. So let's do a survey. How many of you think I am arrogant or have an attitude problem? Please choose an option on the survey and follow up with generous comments on this topic.

Your feedback may save my career. (Ok I am largely exaggerating here :P)

P.S. You guys have a week to submit your answers. Please note that you may choose multiple options. Also please feel free to direct your friends who know to me to this blog just for this survey. Thankeees!

Finally married.

2008-07-12T23:51:00.000-07:00

Married to the job.

I did a compare/contrast analysis on my ideas(more like misconceptions) on that new job in Comms before I joined and now i.e. two weeks into it.

Then:
My time at the agency last year was a hurricane of disastrously tight deadlines, clients yelling their head off, the boss lady yelling her head off and then the creative guys thinking, I am just not good enough to keep all the balls in the air (Wink!Wink! at Hetch).

Now:
Still a situation with tight deadlines. Internal clients who don't yell but put their displeasure forward in a sarcasticly caustic, politically correct manner which, in my opinion, is worse. The boss lady is freaking out more than I am, so I am the calming factor, which is new and interesting. The creative guys are troublesome until I pay them a visit, which is a twenty minute drive from the office and they like my face enough to do my work for me on time. It helps to be cute in the professional world :)

Then:
I am looking forward to the writing, though. It is less pressured because it business writing. I am good at that. Copywriting or creative writing, not so sure. I guess I did choose the safer option. I still have my blog for my creative (or destructive) brain-puke so I don't mind restricting myself to business writing at work.

Now:
Business writing is also bundooooing(courtesy: Bundoo@mindset)me royally. It's cos they want 300 word articles done in a span of an hour. My mind is not set for bullet-train speed writing yet. And this is not the safer option, because the big boss thinks I am creative for some odd reason and gives me all those campaigns that need that kind of ideation and input. That too in a day! Waaah....help me Hari :(

And the blog, it has become my girlfriend, who I don't see so much anymore. I don't get to write as often thanks to the wife(job).

Then:
Plus, the job involves dealing and interacting with many leaders across the global office. That should be fun too. I like people, and all kinds of em'. I get to sit on the 'executive' floor of the office complex, so this is a great networking opportunity. I get to cover events around the different service lines in the office so I am not chained to my desk all day long.

Now:
Yes, it does involve dealing and interacting with leaders. It also involves dealing with their high and sometimes unrealistic expectations, their unresponsiveness when it comes to sending content and their time tantrums. Executive floor is nice though, love the restroom with the full length mirror in it. As far as covering events go, I am like superman, flying from place to place, handling crises all over the place.

Then:
And I can read, read and read during work. Whether its blogs, online magazines, the newspaper, comics or novels... I am actually working on professional development and building my writing skills, vocabulary and creativity. All pre-requisites for the job so no one can call it leisure activity during work hours.

Now:
Hahahahahaha!! I am so cute when I am naive ain't I. Forget reading blogs, online magazines, newspapers etc....I don't get time to read my own emails...wait thats the business email I am talking about :). I find 5 minute windows between my meeting schedules to catch on my emails and sit on the weekend for a couple of hours to organize them. Leisurely activity amounts to the required pee breaks during the day and nothing more.

Then:
The salary is static, but hey I ain't feeding a family of four so I can make do with what I have. The boss does warn me about the lack of recognition or awards, but I guess I can deal with that as long as I am excelling on my own standards for myself.

Now:
I GOT A PROMOTION! Yaaaay! So I guess there will be a hike in the salary. I still stand by my statement on 'excelling on my own standards for myself' so that's that.

Then:
The boss lady has a tattoo. Isn't that awesome? Cos I can get a couple and not be judged or get into trouble for it. And now the best thing about this move is, NO MORE MS EXCEL, No more rows and columns of useless data-entry...... I am free from the 'Copy Paste' and the 'Alt Tab' syndrome. Yaaay!!

Now:
The boss lady has a tattoo. I now know why...she is used to enduring pain. from clients, from creative, from the team, from the press, from her family, from traffic, from her tired body. I will be good at that too...soon. As far as excel goes, I have only opened it to create communications plans for clients, which is tolerable.

I do complain night and day about the 12-hour schedule every day with the traffic situation both ways and the lack of time for myself. I miss my friends from my old team who do 'chai @ adda', team outings, smoke breaks and timepass gossip sessions without me.

But I still love this move. I finally get to write. I finally get goosebumps and my heart skips a beat when I see a new interesting assignment from the boss. I finally get to use my brain at work. I finally love going to work every morning. Finally married to a job I love.

A touch of pink

2008-07-05T04:46:00.000-07:00

Christiano picks up the tiny, intricately woven, fuschia pink, Victoria's secret lace panties from the drawer next to his bed. He holds it close to his face with a tenderness of a man who has lost his love a long time ago and has not been able to recover.

He sighs heavily. He suddenly feels paralysed by waves of intense pain taking over him. His eyelids are getting heavier. Christiano tries to hold on to his conciousness but he can't. He choses to let go. He feels his soul leave his body.

His last vivid memory of pure pleasure and happiness flashes before him. George, his love, walking into their bedroom in those tiny, intricately woven, fuschia pink, Victoria's secret lace panties.

Nailed em' !!!

2008-07-03T00:41:00.001-07:00

And presenting, the hands that I have been obsessing over for the past few days. Isn't that blood red nail polish absolutely gorgeous??? Thank you Ram, for the brilliant photography. You really made the useless "waiting in traffic" moment worthwhile.

That familiar stranger

2008-07-02T07:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had that uncanny feeling when you first meet someone, that you have had some sort of deep, past connection but you can't really put your finger on it. You are just left wondering, with that gut-wrenching familiarity that makes you want to embrace this person into your life without knowing them for too long.

There is also that matter of the heat of the moment. You throw caution out of the window, nit-pick loopholes in your own logic, to find yourself free-falling into the arms of that familiar stranger. A stranger who will stay a stranger. Someone, who will not taint or complicate your future; and just stay as a memory of pure momentary passion; with no strings attached but a sole, soul-connection in your mind and heart.

Sane Insane, a blogger friend, penned it so beautifully, which I am going to take the liberty of sharing with you guys...

We met but once as though by chance
We didn’t date, nor did we dance
We looked into each others’ eyes
Without deception of disguise
A silent message passed between
My hungry heart was plainly seen
You saw desire I could not hide
You looked at me and saw inside.

How could a glance have said so much?
And cause a chill without a touch?
What was that chemistry that evening?
I wish for those moments when our souls are bare
As surely as our bodies there

Our bodies move in harmony
I couldn’t tell you from me
And locked in passion as we are
My sense of time began to blur
I must have known you from before
How else could you have reached my core?
In life perhaps before this one
What had we shared? What had we done?
With what I felt, emotions vast
I must have loved you in the past

But now we go our separate ways
To different lives throughout our days.

P.S. Be sure to check this blog out to understand the true context of the poem from the author's point of view.

One decision down!

2008-06-30T22:22:00.000-07:00

Remember this?

Looks like my head is still muddled about most of the things listed in that post. But, there are many changes coming out of this one concrete decision.

I have taken the plunge. I am finally making the move to a position in Internal Communications. I am an 'excited electron' about this move but also scared shit-less at whether I am actually going to be good at it. My time at the agency last year was a hurricane of disastrously tight deadlines, clients yelling their head off, the boss lady yelling her head off and then the creative guys thinking, I am just not good enough to keep all the balls in the air (Wink!Wink! at Hetch). This new role is going to be a mini-hurricane of all the fun stuff I mentioned above but I still can't wait to get my feet wet in it.

I am looking forward to the writing, though. It is less pressured because it business writing. I am good at that. Copywriting or creative writing, not so sure. I guess I did choose the safer option. I still have my blog for my creative (or destructive) brain-puke so I don't mind restricting myself to business writing at work.

Plus, the job involves dealing and interacting with many leaders across the global office. That should be fun too. I like people, and all kinds of em'. I get to sit on the 'executive' floor of the office complex, so this is a great networking opportunity. I get to cover events around the different service lines in the office so I am not chained to my desk all day long.

And I can read, read and read during work. Whether its blogs, online magazines, the newspaper, comics or novels... I am actually working on professional development and building my writing skills, vocabulary and creativity. All pre-requisites for the job so no one can call it leisure activity during work hours.

The salary is static, but hey I ain't feeding a family of four so I can make do with what I have. The boss does warn me about the lack of recognition or awards, but I guess I can deal with that as long as I am excelling on my own standards for myself.

The boss lady has a tattoo. Isn't that awesome? Cos I can get a couple and not be judged or get into trouble for it. And now the best thing about this move is, NO MORE MS EXCEL, No more rows and columns of useless data-entry...... I am free from the 'Copy Paste' and the 'Alt Tab' syndrome. Yaaay!!

Post-Secret

2008-06-24T23:33:00.000-07:00

Inspired by PostSecret.blogspot.com, I will be putting myself out there too. Out with some humiliating, embarrassing, not-so-proud of, dirty secrets of my own, in the hope that it will allow me to explore my hidden side and embrace my untold truths and live and love on as a free mind and soul. And this, not anonymously.

Readers, only if you have your non-judgemental glasses and open-mind hats on, will you be allowed to go beyond this point. A point of no return, if you do decide to judge and alter current impressions about me. A point of change in our relationship, if you decide to embrace my untold truths and let me unravel in front of you.

1. I love Bollywood songs. LOVE. I switch on MTV (Non-Stop Hits) or Channel V(Zabardast Hits) as soon as I wake up. I enjoy hip-hop, house, trance, electronica and rock sometimes, but LOVE bollywood music and telugu too, on occasion.

2. I dance around the house in my purple nightie, with 'haldi' on my pimples and protein cream on my thinning hair.

3. I have already kissed two younger men and I am only 23. Am I a cradle snatcher?

4. I remember, laughing at the concept of arranged marriage for years together and still do openly rip it to pieces within conversations with friends. But as Hetch pointed out, and that moment I vehemently denied it, I am secretly hoping that I can find the 'perfect' guy for me through this traditional system of finding mates. I am tired of playing this love game, sick of heart breaks and wish that love would just fall into my lap this time, without effort or complication.

5. I blame myself for my failed relationships. I wish I had done things differently. I wish I had not hurt my Exs, even if it was inadvertent and unintentional.

6. I love eating Cerelac. I could eat it all day long. I need to grow up.

7. I generally appear confident about my curvaceous figure, my curly hair and my dusky complexion but I secretly wonder how life would have been different if was skinny, fair and had long, straight hair.

8. I love licking my plate after I am done eating Maggi Noodles or 'Rasam' and rice.

9. I wish I had let loose in Canada, travelled more and made more friends, rather than concentrate on studying and working on my career through the four years that I was there.

10. I secretly freak out that I chose the wrong career. I fantasize about an alternate career and lifestyle as a singer, dancer ,an actor, a social worker, a poet or even a copywriter. Yes, Alok and Hetch can please go ahead and feel privileged to be what I could never be.

11. I bite my tongue every time I am rude or sarcastic with mom but I can't help but get irritated with her, even though I love her immensely.

12. I wish I could be unselfish and help my Dad with his business. I know how happy it would make him and how unhappy it would make me and that keeps me on the fence. Isn't there a middle-ground?

13. I wish I could commit to the nice guys that love me and adore me. The guys I actually want can never do me justice, but I still want them. My head needs fixing.

14. I wish I had childhood friends like everyone else.

15. I can never remember directions, even to places I go to everyday. Is something medically wrong with me? I wish I could get a navigating system installed in my head.

16. I am known to be a person of fleeting interest. I am shit-scared that I will never be able to settle down with one person because he might not be able to entertain and engage me every day for the rest of my life. How will I get married? And stay married?

Note: No one is allowed to question me on the truths mentioned above. This is more for me than you. So shut up, absorb and embrace.

What's in a name?

2008-06-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

Ask these people below. Enjoy!

Abe Ozo
Barbaby Wild
Igor Beaver
Constance Paine
Celia Fate
Izzy Foreel
Bob Loblaw
Harris Thinninout
Al Kida
Ayma Dommy
Charity Case
Drew A. Blanc
Harly Workin
Howie Blewitt
Constance Noring
Hank E. Pankie
Ida Hoe
Izzy Cumming
Dan Druff
Constance Wearing
Al beback
Barry D'Alive
Al cahall
Carrie Oakie
Mary Juana
Ralph Upchuck
Sy Philus
Watson Yurface
Rhoda Dick
Uben Hadd
Willie Dewer
P. Brain
Sophie Lizcock
Louise Lips
Thur Sheblows
Wilma Dickfit
Mick Stup
Phil Rupp
Dee Gullize Pot
Lou Sass
M T Bowels
P. Eve Doff
Max E. Padd
Pat Butt
Ray Pist
Stacy Rhect
Tim Buck II
Tess Tickles
Sandy Shore
Vye Brator
Willie B. Long
Rob Banks
Ray Beeze
R. Sole
Shlomo Sectshual

Source: golth.com

Note: Hetch stole my title for this post. Or maybe, great minds think alike.

the joy of my life

2008-06-20T10:08:00.000-07:00

the smoke stayed, the burn stayed. But, she was gone.

2008-06-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

They enter the smoky club after a long day at work, looking forward to some good music and alcohol. R looks like he has been run over by a truck and S sure could use a little make up and some mousse for her hair.

S: Wow, this club is rockin’ tonight. I am kinda thirsty, can you get some beer for us?
R: Sure. Looks like the bar counter is crowded. I will be back.

Fifteen minutes later, a hassled yet triumphant R returns with two cans of Fosters. He opens one can for himself and starts to raise the can to his thirsty lips when S, after looking at her freshly manicured nails, turns to R and stops him just before his first sip.

S: Can you open my can please. I don’t want my nails to break.

R looks at her, keeps his can on the large speaker beside him and pops open her can and hands it over. He turns around and picks up his beer.

R: Cheers!!

But S has already gulped down two large sips of that cold, refreshing beer. She looks unapologetic, and yet mouths a quick sorry to R before turning around to give a series of celebrity, page-3 kisses to bunch of her guy friends. She introduces R to “her boys” as she calls them.

R: Hi M, Hi R, Hi U, Hi…..uhh what’s your name, sorry?
S: Oh don’t worry, I will tell you the name later.

She walks off with her beer. R stands in a corner watching S go over to the DJ booth and give the DJ and his friends a hug. She starts to get a lil’ jiggy with one of them too and R wonders why she called him her date for the evening when they were driving over to the club.

All poor R can do was to sip on that beer. And so he does, at an accelerated pace. He finishes his beer in a couple of minutes. The crowd is thumping and swaying to the loud hip-hop music, but he can only see her. Her voluptuous body gyrating to the island beats like no one could believe. The men around her are eyeing her like a pack of hungry dogs would do a piece of meat. R wants to walk over there and yank her back to safety. He wants her next to him. But he doesn't.

After what seemed like an eternity, she walks back to where R was.

S: You aren't you having fun. What’s your problem?

He wants to yell, “Well, you are supposed to be my date and I hate hip-hop music and I don’t know anyone here and you keep walking away from me. “ R stays quiet and shrugs his shoulders instead.She shrugs back her shoulders and starts to chat with some girl.

R: Can I have a sip of your beer?
S: No.

R is stunned. Did she just say "no"?

R: But I want a sip.
S: Then go get yourself another beer. I don’t want to give up the last two sips of mine because that would make me want another beer and I cannot afford another beer. It is 400 calories. How can you be so insensitive and not care about what’s important to me?
R: Oh. I’m sorry. I think I will get myself one.

R returns after another twenty minutes of bring jostled, groped and pushed around by drunks at the bar. S has finished that beer and is grinding this random guy to the ground. R is really getting upset now, but she suddenly walks over to him as soon as she sees him return. R is surprised. Maybe there is hope. She smiles at him, hugs him and starts to dance with him. R is panicking on the inside but still on the outside. He can’t dance for nuts. She is really turning him on now. He just wants to pull her hair back and kiss her. Right there, right then. He couldn’t. So he turns his face away and starts to message this friend to take his mind of the sexual tension brewing in his pants.

S: I cannot believe you are messaging some damn person while I am dancing with you. What the hell is wrong with you? Really!!

R is dumbstruck. It was amazing how loud and clear her voice was in all that din. She snatches his beer and takes two large gulps while she looks over into his phone to see who he was messaging.

S: N? Who is this? Do I know her? Is she hotter than me?

R starts to sweat. This was all going wrong. Why was she angry with him. And why was she drinking his beer. He had wanted to be the one to say “no” this time.

R(stuttering): She is just a friend.
S: Whatever, there are ten other guys here that would love to dance with me and pay attention to me when I am with them. You have yourself a good night then.

She pulls out a cigarette and touches the back pockets of her tight jeans looking for a lighter. R lights her smoke for her. He then holds her hand to keep her walking away.

S: Whatever man. I gotta go.

She blows the cigarette smoke in R’s face. And she is gone. The smoke stayed, the burn stayed. But she, the fire that had brightened his whole existence, was gone.

the mystery of why men are never depressed... solved.

2008-06-19T06:37:00.000-07:00

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth... The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

This is a forward sent by a man-friend of mine and I chuckled at the immense amount of truth in it. Thought I'd share.

But hey, my dear man-friend, weren't you recently depressed about you losing your hair and being short and being a bad dancer, which in turn could lead to you being a single, old, bald geezer? I guess it was just a "mood-swing" and temporary :P

Note: These are his words after reading this post - "Yup, that mood-swing was the woman in me that decided to come out."

a sole for every soul? Sold !!

2008-06-16T02:40:00.000-07:00

There are times when I randomly come across something during my routine work day that touches me and makes me take a step back and think. I came across TOMS Shoes and it left me deeply surprised. Deeply moved. Deeply amazed at the way someone gives back to the needy and justifies their place on this earth. Deeply guilty at insignificance of my own existence.

TOMS Shoes is derived from 'Shoes for Tommorrow' that came into inception when Blake Mycoskie had an epiphany on a trip to Argentina after competing the famous reality show - The Amazing Race. He was disturbed by the poverty in the country and the number of children who were running around on the streets without any protection for their feet. The pitter patter of their bare feet left an impression on Blake and he founded a company that runs on a simple yet profoundly brilliant and unique business model that connects the regular consumer population to a cause that needs the attention.

"Buy one pair of TOMS, and we donate a pair to a needy child somewhere in the world." Yes, it really is as simple as that and it works. A win-win in every way possible.

In their first year of inception, i.e. 2006 itself, they completed a "shoe drop" of 10,000 pairs of shoes to children in Argentina. They second "shoe drop" in November 2007 was for children in South Africa with a whopping 50,000 pairs of shoes. They are aiming to do their next "shoe drop" in the United States.

And these shoe drops are personally enriching experiences for the TOMS crew members who make the trip. An Official TOMS Blog blogger discusses one of the first deliveries on the South African drop: “She watched and eyed the bright pink pair of TOMS I had in my hand. Her little black foot was sweaty from wearing an old holey pair of shoes, too small for her feet. I slipped the shoe on her foot, but it was tight. I could see she was surprised when I told her, I was going to get a pair that fit her. I reached in my bag and pulled out the next size up which I slipped on her feet. They fit and a big smile appeared on her beautiful face. I stood up handed her the old shoes and gave her a big hug. I held her and thought: This gift of TOMS to this child is an even greater gift to me...”

A sole for every soul? Sold !!

Source: TOMS website, Wikipedia, TOMS fan and employee blogs

Unwritten

2008-06-14T21:46:00.000-07:00

For all those who know me well, my pessimism won't come as a shock. I am an eternal pessimist and expect the worst for me and my future. It is some sort of a defense mechanism that allows me to not to have high expectations of success or happiness in various facets of my life that I have not lived yet. And hence minimises the risk of disappointment/hurt in the case the expectations are not met. It is as simple as thinking, "I knew it wasn't gonna happen anyway so there is nothing to be surprised or overtly upset about" instead of vice-versa. Possibly a flawed theory/perspective but it has worked for me so far.

But then come along small, unexpected rays of temporary optimism and uninhibited hope that bring a smile to my face, a glow to my cheek and a slight bounce to my step and this song did just that when I heard it this morning. Thanks Natasha Bedingfield for a great start to my day.

Unwritten

I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah

Oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines, oh yeah yeah
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way oh, oh

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
the rest still unwritten

(Gospel)
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten

The rest, and probably the best, is still unwritten. And I am can't wait to find out.

give up or give in?

2008-06-05T22:27:00.000-07:00

They say that addiction is for the weak. Addicts, are (apparently) those who cannot control their emotions and succumb to that one bad habit again and again till it consumes them completely. Consumes their lives, their rationale, their bank balances, their senses, their thoughts, their future, their perceptions, their relationships, their sanity. Consumes their soul. And irrevocably, at that.

To the contrary, I believe that there a lies a certain amount of strength to be an addict. An addiction is a choice to let your whole and soul be taken over by something external. To let go. To lose control. To hand over the power and take chances. To be risqué. To really revel in the pleasure and pain of the addiction without being too chicken to experience the roller coaster ride that if offers. The first step is the hardest step. Takes you straight into the unknown. But as the affair progresses, it takes balls to have full knowledge of how something will destroy you, your life and everything you know and value, but still continue to let yourself fall deeper and deeper into it. It takes commitment to give up everything for one thing and I amazed by those who succumb to their addictions and choose a deviant, possibly fulfilling yet short existence.

Note: This post and I do not condone drugs, cigarettes (sex is an exception :), but be safe) or other addictive substances. I am dead against it and you would know if you ask my poor smoker/druggie friends who I have nagged for eternity now. This post just offers another perspective. Being a non-smoker and a non-druggie often makes me wonder what it takes to be one.

Hummin'

2008-05-31T00:30:00.000-07:00

David Guetta at his best...

Love is gone.

What are we supposed to do
After all that we’ve been through
When everything that felt so right is wrong
Now that the love is gone

There is nothing left to prove
No use to deny this simple truth
Can’t find the reason to keep holding on
Now that the love is gone

Love is gone
Love is gone
Love is gone

It's a hard time
Love is gone
It's a hard time
Got to find the reason
Got to find a reason
Got to find a reason to hold on

a night under the sun??

2008-05-30T06:57:00.000-07:00

"What?"
"A night under the sun??"
"It doesn't set till March??? But we are in September now."
"How am I supposed to sleep when the sky is still bright?"
"It's cold. I can deal with that. But what's with the sun not setting at night?"
"You guys are weird up here in Antarctica. I am going to Hawaii for my next vacation. Its normal there."

exclaimed Joe, our average American tourist.

those forgotten fragrances...

2008-05-28T23:49:00.000-07:00

of the spicy, raw mango pickle on my Grandma's hands when she would feed me lunch during my summer vacations at her place.

of the musky, manly after-shave that my dad would use when I was a kid. He would carry me in his arms and I would stick my little face into his neck. I absolutely loved that smell on him.

of the warm, oily, crispy vadas that mom would make every Sunday morning. My brother and I would impatiently wait outside the kitchen with our plates and a bowl full of fresh coconut chutney.

of the jasmine flowers, that my maid would put in her hair every morning. I would insist that my jasmine garland be longer that hers, no matter what.

of the ghee and sugar-filled milk halwa that my other Grandma would make every Thursday morning to lay as 'prasadam' in front of Sai baba. I would pretend to pray till she closed her eyes and then jump at the halwa, digging both my hands into it and stuff my face until she realized what I was upto.

of the first rain, every summer in Delhi. The aroma of wet mud when it tastes rain after that long, hot, beating summer is deliciouly appealing.

of the warm, bournvita milk that dad would make for me at 5 am on those chilly-Delhi winter mornings to wake me up to study for my board exams.

of the salty, humid wind by our seaside apartment in Mumbai. I could just sit at the window taking in the sights and smells of the ocean, for hours.

of the cigar-smoke filled balcony where I would go looking for grandpa when I woke up in the middle of the night from bad dreams.

of the flavoured agarbattis, that were burnt in and around the house after evening pooja on Diwali.

Oh, what I would do to travel back in time to those forgotten fragrances.

'Ab gorapan tumhare haath mein!'

2008-05-28T05:48:00.000-07:00

"Don't forget to apply sunscreen before you leave the house" yells her mother, as Vaishnavi picks her bag and lunch box and quickly catches a glance at herself in the mirror by the door. If I looked at Vaishu, I would notice her almond shaped, dark and mysterious eyes, her flawless skin and her luscious, wavy, jet black hair. But Vaishu could not look beyond the colour of her skin, which was a deep bronze. Even though her skin was exquisitely beautiful, free of scars and zits, which was almost impossible at the adoloscent age of fifteen, fair skin was all Vaishu wished for, day and night.

She hated that her classmates in school called her 'kaalu from karnataka'. She hated that all her friends were fair-skinned, thanks to their purely punjabi parents. She hated that her mother would not allow her to play tennis or swim in the summer. She hated being dark. She hated being told that no one would ever marry her because she was so dark. She hated her aunts applying all kinds of concoctions to her face everyday trying to lighten her skin. She hated her relatives, commenting on how unfortunate it is that she is dark even though her mother is fair. She really hated being dark.

Vaishu picked up the newspaper in the school cafeteria while she ate her sandwich at lunch time. She saw an advertisement for the latest 'sunscreen lotion' with SPF 45and a special fairness meter device launched by one of her favourite cosmetic companies. The 'before' picture in the ad showed a dark girl, who was hiding behind the door, while she looked at her 'crush' walk away with some fair bimbo. The after picture showed a visibly fairer girl walking up to her crush with confidence and asking him out for dinner. Vaishu wanted to be the latter. She really wanted to get Alok's attention, but Alok had eyes only for Preeti. Preeti was not exactly pretty, but she was fair. I guess that's all it takes, Vaishu thought.

She scrounged around in her pocket to see if she had money to buy the new lotion on her way home. She had enough saved from all the part-time tution classes she had been giving to her juniors in school. She almost ran to the store, eager to buy the magic cream and use it. She wanted to get Alok's attention before the Annual Day dance. She wanted mother to allow her to start swimming again. She wanted her friends to admire her newly acquired fair skin.

This new 'sunscreen' was going to turn her life around and Vaishu beamed with hope as she took the bottle home and yanked the plastic wrapper off eagerly. She couldn't wait...

Runnin'...

2008-05-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

"You know, I wonder if they'll laugh when I am dead
Why am I fighting to live, if I'm just living to fight
Why am I trying to see, when there aint nothing in sight
Why am I trying to give, when no one gives me a try
Why am I dying to live, if I'm just living to die."

The perfect song for my state of mind right now. But it's alright. I am glad I won't go away quietly. I will raise hell before I reach hell. I will live till I die. No more runnin'...